I used to wonder why my friends would look at the mirror and inspect their forehead for wrinkles and lines or apply creams & anti-aging radiants for hours. I would constantly ask myself why these people are not confident about their looks when most of them are aging with grace & style. Affirmation from their peers about their physical appearance has become a necessity for them to continue functioning the right way everyday. I used to tell myself that I would never feel that way about myself since it seems that I possess, as my peers would always say, "the gift of youth" (believe me guys, in my profession, it is more of a liability/curse rather than a gift).
A few days ago, while attending the debut of my former student, I began to wonder; what if growing old is really something that we should fear...
I was part of her 18 candles & believe me, it felt really awkward! Well for one, I was surrounded by a "fresh from High School Graduation" crowd. I was the oldest amongst the candle people. Need I say more? It is not like I looked like their Grandma or something. I actually looked like their Atsi instead of their former computer teacher from their freshie year of HS (well, that comment certainly didn't come from me!). It was awkward since I kept picturing myself at the same student's wedding (this was the start of a futuristic daydream telenovela situation), then her daughter's baptism, high school computer class/club and debut. Honestly, this will go on and on.
Questions started to fill my head . . . Will I be doing this until I become Grandma Joie? Will I continue to see my kids (by the way, I call my students my kids) age time and time again, from generation to generation before my very eyes? Is this manifested by fear? Is it about me growing old or my kids growing old in-front of me?
This is really not because I'm not so fond of parties anymore (put stress on the anymore). Neither is this because I don't want my kids to grow old. Honestly, I really do not know why I am blabbing about this at all. I guess its just a momentary epiphany (i think) that I wanted to share. Or is it my simple cry for help? Maybe there are people out there who could shed some light to this. Who feel the same way as I feel. Am I just going crazy or simply confused? Please do enlighten me!
